Year-End Reflections: Women Who Chose Themselves (Even When It Was Hard)

Year-end reflection often looks like a highlight reel – curated wins, polished photos, and neat conclusions, but most women don’t grow that way. The most drastic shifts will happen in the quietness – in the silent moments of not knowing, sitting in your car before going in, deleting a text to preserve your peace. That is not a reflection of the accomplishments of the year that passed; that is the room to speak the names of the things that you have survived because the hardest decisions that have occurred in the most silent moments are the ones that have led to the greatest shifts.    

When Choosing Yourself Didn’t Look Like Confidence  

A lot of people imagine choosing yourself as an act of boldness, like a dramatic “I’m finally putting myself first!” moment with perfect lighting and instant clarity. But that’s rarely how it happens. Most of the time, choosing yourself is quieter and far more human.   

Making your own decisions doesn’t always feel gutsy at the time. Sometimes it feels like guilt, loneliness, loss, or asking, “what if I’m wrong?” and doing it anyway. The hardest part? Many women choose themselves without clarity, without a plan, without knowing what comes next. You let go without certainty, walk away without applause, and start over without anyone noticing because something in you finally whispers: This is not sustainable. I cannot keep betraying myself.    

The Quiet Decisions That Changed Everything  

Not all turning points can be portrayed as significant moments; most of the life-altering transitions occur without notice. They manifest through small choices that are made over a prolonged period, until one day, you look back and realize that you have actually become a different person. This year, numerous women chose themselves through seemingly insignificant but transformative decisions: they walked away from draining relationships, left positions where they were emotionally strained without any support, and gradually concluded that love should not be a matter of survival. Staying, trying again, slowly healing, and developing an exit plan rather than acting out of fear was the approach. To choose oneself is not one single action, but rather a point in time when one stops failing to acknowledge what one’s life has been trying to communicate.  

Other women chose themselves by finally saying no and letting it be enough, without justification, long explanations, or guilt-driven overcommunication. Some chose rest over productivity, therapy over pretending, and space over constantly performing “fine.” In a world that rewards burnout, that kind of pause can feel rebellious, but it’s a repair. And sometimes choosing yourself wasn’t about leaving at all. It was the case of staying, attempting once more, healing very slowly, devising an exit plan rather than being afraid and reacting. To choose yourself is not one single deed; it is the very moment you stop overlooking what your life has been trying to tell you.  

The Guilt That Came With Self-Preservation  

Here’s the part nobody talks about enough: choosing yourself often comes with guilt first. Women are conditioned to prioritize others. To anticipate needs. To manage emotions. To be the glue. To be “strong,” “selfless,” and “understanding.” Many women were raised to believe their worth is directly tied to how much they give and how little they ask for. So, when a woman finally chooses herself, the guilt isn’t proof that she made the wrong decision. It’s proof she broke a pattern.  

Guilt often shows up before relief, and it feels unfamiliar to prioritize your own needs. But guilt isn’t always a warning sign. Sometimes guilt is the growing pain of stepping into self-respect.    

What It Cost and What It Gave Back  

Choosing yourself is rarely free, but it often comes with a cost. Sometimes the cost is a relationship, sometimes it’s comfort, identity, routine, certainty, or even the feeling of being understood. Choosing yourself can mean losing people who benefited from the version of you that didn’t have boundaries. It can cost you the story you thought your life would follow, and it can strip away the illusion of control you once clung to just to feel safe. 

And yet… it gives back — often in ways you don’t notice immediately. It restores clarity back to you, finally understanding what is draining you, what is strengthening you, what you have been tolerating in your life, and what you have been deserving of. It restores peace to you, not the kind that exists when everything is going well, but the kind that exists when you no longer betray yourself. It restores trust in oneself to the individual and a definition of progress that is more about finding alignment with the self than finding fame and fortune. Because being for yourself isn’t always fancy, but it’s always authentic.   

Stories from Women Who Chose Themselves  

• “I chose myself when I stopped proving my worth.” – Anonymous
  I stopped seeking validation and adopted the belief that I didn’t need to earn my place in love, respect, and belonging. I realized my value was never something I had to explain or perform for.  

• “I chose myself when I allowed disappointment to exist.” – Anonymous
  I stopped trying to be fine to make other people comfortable. Instead, I started to feel the pain that came with the acceptance.  

• “I chose myself even though I didn’t feel brave.” – Anonymous
  I made the hard decision while still scared, unsure, and trembling inside. I learned that courage isn’t confidence—it’s choosing yourself even when fear is present.  

Why Choosing Yourself Is Still an Act of Courage  

When you choose yourself, you’re not being selfish – it’s sustainable. Selflessness is a quality to be aspired to, but it is more often a journey to burnout and bitter feelings. To always put oneself at the end of the line does not make one more giving or more lovable; it only makes one depleted and disgruntled. When a woman always lets others go before her, she doesn’t become less selfish and more generous; she is just in the end sapped of energy. To pick yourself takes lots of guts; it means being able to stand discomfort, being misunderstood, and not everyone being pleased with your upbringing.  

In the end, choosing yourself is not only a one-time event; it is a daily habit. It is the action of holding your boundaries and your body in recognition. It is the act of recognizing that your needs are important. It is the action of making choices that do not feel good now but are for your future self.   

A Gentle Close: Carrying This Into the New Year  

You can still progress without transforming. At times, the most appropriate course of action is to speak openly about the things that caused distress, the things that you have outgrown, and the things that you are not going to settle for anymore. If there is one lesson learned from the previous year, it is to always remember to choose yourself, and even if it was gently. It was still courageous, and it is honest, and it is valuable.   

At TotalHER, we are creating a space where women can have these conversations and not only share but be part of a community that has been silent but still needs to be heard, felt, and reminded that self-choosing does not have to be a lonely path, and the women who are choosing themselves already have a very powerful thing coming together.